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Sighs, frustrations, countless aborted temptations-

To hug, to hold, to laugh, to weep,

To keep your little hands bonded

Kept strong within my keep.

For now forever till death do us part

I hold your innocent shadows close to my heart,

To endure a past that soiled the silk of our ties,

And the present we live all simmered in lies.

Those prayers I chant - my feathers of steel.

With a power to conquer and a power to heal

I stand between my angels and foes

To avert the arrows that leave their ill bows.

Solace is my search, in dreams and in wake

My only egress from a harrowing ache,

And the tiring agony of peering from a distance

Wishing, hoping you would acknowledge my existence.

                                                                                                - Ashes

3 yrs later

I did not even remember about this. I created a blog three years ago in my very initial and painful days of separation and divorce after eight years of marriage. Divorce isn't easy for anyone, and especially not for an eastern girl like me. But I survived! Here I am three years later...

I have a strong urge to write poems.. weird? maybe but not to me.. cuz I can only talk about my feelings best  in writing... when I am talking, I hardly am able to express. And no, these are not love poems. Thtey are just my feelings in the current situation of life I am in. I have three children and they are not with me. I visit them but that hardly suffices my urge, my need to be close to them.

So, any of you wondering why this blog has to be any different than the fifty thousand other blogs that already exist that talk about relationships. Here's the thing. This blog is specifically for people who have recognized that their problem is codependency. What the hell is that? It is when one in the relationship is dominant, demanding, abusing, stress-inducing bastard, the other is a perfect floormat, who willingly or unwillingly finds himself depending on this one person's mercy for any kind of happiness. Always looks towards his stressor for validation of ideas. Lets the abuser run the crap out of his life.

I have been such a floormat fo about eight years, and now I think its time for a change. Its time to turn the tables. But I must tackle it one day at a time. So feel free to follow this blog as i dip into my soul second by second, minute by minute and day by day, to find the strength i need to fight the despicable crime of abuse.

Also feel free to post comments, ideas and questions.

"Everything is Great"-- cover up for the worst realtionship

Hi Everyone,

Here is a spot for people with REAL problems to let out some steam. Usually, when someone asked me about my relationship, my response would be.... well! all relationships have their own ups and downs. Its all about compromise and the willingness to make it work for the sake of the love you share with your partner. Is it true? Do i believe in it? Horseraddish, Bullshit, total CRAP!!!!!!!

I am one of you with REAL problems. Bad enough, that i lost hope to live at one point. Has it happened to you? Do you feel that some one is controlling you? Do you feel dependent on your stressor?

Solution is to get away from the stress-or. The problem is that you are spinning in a wheel. like a .hamster, finding it impossible to break the cycle. Well, there is a way.